She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
