Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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