they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
