Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
