Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
