I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
