I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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