im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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