no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
