Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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