with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
