You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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