evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
