Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The best revenge is premature balding
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
