We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
