Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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