Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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