I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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