when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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