dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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