Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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