I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
