During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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