Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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