Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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