im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
