Barsexuality is the new black.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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