im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I got a message the other day that just said “great titsâ€
A gentleman AND a scholar
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