we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
