I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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