u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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