I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
