Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
