I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
