Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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