its not stalking. its research.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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