There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
