god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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