I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
