3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Still dying that you shit outside
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
