sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you traded sex for a burrito?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
