Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
At least life still wants to fuck me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
