it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
