And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
