The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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