we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Randomize