I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
