He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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