I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
