I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
This house was built for laser tag.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
