I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
