So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
