this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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