Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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