She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
