Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
