Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
