So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
