just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We had to coat check the pizza.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So vagazzling was a success
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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