That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
