You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
