Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
