If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
