you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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