Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
