he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
