I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
