birth control should be required to get into college
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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