Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize