After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
