I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
