When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
