Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
